I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
