theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
