Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
