If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
