Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize