Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
