There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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