We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
