"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
