hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
