if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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