When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
