her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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