I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
