So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
