the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
