A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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