normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize