Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
