my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
