Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
