Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
