I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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