Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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