Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
