M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize