the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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