it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
