The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
