i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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