so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
