She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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