3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
