I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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