Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
