I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
