my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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