i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
