margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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