Buhtt sex?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
