it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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