they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
