He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are the jesus of drinking
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
