it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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