my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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