We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
two words: eviction party
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
