i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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