Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
