My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
