If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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