I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
