Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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