the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
