I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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