so that wasnt chicken after all
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
