i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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