I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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