I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
