shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
