Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
