READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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