Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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