SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
