Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
