I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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