to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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