I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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