is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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