You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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