He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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