Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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