I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize