i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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