would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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