please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
